Money for Nothing

The group at Save WRVU Radio is the hardest-working bunch protesting today. Just look at the Facebook site (link on right), now nearly 6,000 strong, and you’ll see any number of fundraisers, activities, and involved businesses. Yesterday, they unearthed a satirical gem from Jim Gillin, printed in their humor magazine, The Slant, last October. To save you a trip, here it is in its entirety:

WRVU Sold; VSC feeds on its musical corpse

WRVU 91.1fm, Vanderbilt’s college radio station, was sold Sunday by Vanderbilt Student Communications (VSC) to raise money for the rest of student communications at Vandy. The decision came after a weeks-long search for offers, and many months of planning how to ignore the hell out of protestors and practice giving roundabout half-answers to questions.

VSC has been looking to sell WRVU since last winter when they decided WRVU was too indie/”non-Vandy.” Following the recent crackdown on smoking and bans on flannel and skinny jeans, Vanderbilt decided to deal the killing blow to counterculture on campus by liquidating their culture center, the independent radio station WRVU.

Vandy PR has done a good job of explaining the sale of the station, however, citing different reasons for the sale. They cite “decreasing student interest,” but that’s taken wildly out of context. What the sentence in a student survey read was “WRVU has been inspiring students to go see concerts on Friday nights, decreasing student interest in fratting and one-night stands.”

VSC chair Mark Lolager explained to The Slant why it took so long to get an offer for the station: “We knew we were making a dick move to the students, so we at least wanted to rake in the most money we could grab.”

Offers to purchase WRVU came mainly from evil organizations; after all, only the epitome of true evil would bid to steal the music from Vandy students and the Nashville community. VSC looked at offers from Satanists, whorehouses, Columbian drug traffickers, Russian sex slave traders, and the Republican party before settling on an offer from Lolager’s mother.

Money from the sale will fund an endowment which will pay out to support the rest of VSC over the coming years. This money comes at a crucial time when nobody is buying the yearbook and newspaper readership is down (but hey, it’s important to sell the radio station which just got a record number of new trainees, right?). Nevertheless, the Hustler plans to use the money to purchase well-needed Hooked on Phonics for all of its writers, the yearbook plans on producing a book nobody buys for a few more years, and the Slant will be glad to have a $5mil endowment to help cover the cost of all the hookers we go through.

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